The end is near

2012 is coming to a close only a few hours left.  Thought I would squeeze one last blog post about our Christmas. 

BAKEFEST 2012 with my sisters

It's just not Christmas without matching PJs. 

Yes most of us are all adults but when your mom makes you Christmas jammies you have to wear them....

Dad looking classy in his Christmas sweater

lots and lots and LOTS of snow..... the hospital has been CRAZY busy

Whiting Family dinner at Tucanos yummy!

Final run of 2012!! 

Looking forward to running a few more half marathons and Ragnar next year!

Merry Christmas.....

from The Happiest Place on Earth!!

The weekend after Thanksgiving we took a quick little trip to my most favorite place. I found super cheap flights to Long Beach (which BTW is super ghetto fab small and low key, we LOVED it and will only fly to Long Beach now) I reminded Nick that he had promised me that if we didn't have a baby by now we could go to Disneyland (yes it was a guilt trip and yes I played that card). Two of my sisters and my BFF Julie came along. It's been 20 years since I've been at Disneyland during Christmas and it was absolutely magical! 

My Prince Charming

 New Star Tours ride is EPIC! 

He's a wookie (hehe) 

it RAINED all day Fri which meant no lines 

but we were SOAKING WET

no worries though we were in the Happiest Place on Earth where you 

can buy dry soaks and starbucks hot cocoa

The Christmas Carolers were great!

Sat was dry (thank goodness!) I love this girl!

What do you do while waiting in line?

Read your book

Nick + 4 women....it was a little "sister wives" hehe

Bless his heart he was a champ the entire time

Ragnar sisters waiting in line

You do ugly faces really well....

Maybe we won't get wet on splash mountain....

Nope

We found Mickey!!

and Santa 

Grateful

So Thanksgiving has come and gone. I kinda missed the gratitude bandwagon, everyone blogging or posting on facebook about everything they're grateful for.  I will say it was sooo nice to get on facebook and see posts about gratitude rather than politics.

I had to work on Thanksgiving (boo!) it was unfortunately pretty busy, the floor was full of a lot of sick people. But this is a post about gratitude and I am grateful that both Nick and I are employed. I'm grateful that I don't just have a job but a career that I love, I love being a Nurse! I'm grateful that I get to work with some pretty awesome coworkers and Dr's. 

Thanksgiving dinner from the cafeteria.....yummo  k not really but at least it was free

I am so grateful for my stud muffin, totally amazing, patient, kind, loving husband!

I don't have a baby to gush about so I get to brag about my wonderful hubby. About a month and half ago Nick was released from Young Men Pres. and called to be the ward executive secretary. I am so grateful to have a husband who is willing to serve and is a righteous priesthood holder. Even when I'm struggling and don't want to pray, he reads our scriptures and prays every night. He is the rock in our relationship.  I will come home from work exhausted and he's picked up the house and made dinner, this happens on a regular basis- I am one lucky girl!! 

I'm grateful for our health. Nick is healthy, he beat cancer and that's something I'll always be grateful for. I'm in better shape at 30 than I was at 20! I still run every week and started doing CROSSFIT in Sept. I'll have to blog about crossfit sometime, it's crazy and whips your booty into shape! 

I ran to the top of squaw peak over Conference weekend with my sister. It was an intense uphill run but it felt amazing to reach the top! 

I'm grateful to have wonderful supportive friends and family, they're pretty awesome!

Family Pictures

It's almost been 4 years since we've had our pictures taken (professional). I love our engagement and wedding pics but  was ready for a change. It's still just the 2 of us, I was holding out hoping that it might be the 3 of us.....oh well, I'm happy we did them.  My good friend from work took our pictures and she did a AMAZING job. 
Check out her blog Kat Warner Photography

We had gorgeous fall weather that day, enjoy!

 Just being Silly. He loves me :)

In the last 4 months.....

Has it really been 4 months since I've blogged?! I guess I'll take advantage of being on call right now and update. Where did I leave off.....beginning of July,  Whoa! There's a reason I haven't posted in a while. In July we did IVF (in vitro fertilzation)  we had done lots of tests only to find out that I have poor ovarian (egg) reserve (my blood work came back SUPER low). What does that mean? It means I have the ovaries of a 40 year old woman, I could be menopausal as early as 5 years and that my clock is literally ticking. If we want to have children of our own we just don't have time to wait. On top of that, Nick's swimmers also have issues. This last year we paid a Dr a lot of money to be told that we will never conceive on our own. 
Back to July......we did IVF and to say that it was hard is an understatement.  It messed me up (BAD) emotionally, mentally, physically. I'm still recovering from it 4 months later.  Unfortunately, IVF didn't work, we found out that not only is my ovarian reserve low but my egg quality is poor too. To say we were devastated and heart broken is (again) an understatement, we lost a baby. Maybe one day I'll talk about it more but today isn't that day. 
I'm doing ok..... I'm not gonna lie, I'm struggling to find faith and peace instead I feel angry, abandoned and depressed. I feel like I was given this trial and I'm failing at enduring it well. I feel like whenever I take one step forward and think I'm doing better I end up taking two steps back.  Yesterday was another baby blessing and every other testimony shared was about the joys of family and children and being a mother or a father. The proud new father stood up and shared the joy and love he felt watching his baby being born. Nick may never have that opportunity......I didn't make it through the meeting, I had to leave, I went home and cried. 
I don't know why I'm sharing this. To be honest, I don't know who even reads this. It's not for pitty and I don't expect you to understand. Is typing my feelings therapeutic? I don't know, I'm sitting here crying, not the therapeutic results I was hoping for. 
Is it possible to find blessings during such trial and heartache? I will testify that it is possible. Nick and I have always had a rock solid relationship but now our marriage is so much stronger. I feel that we're even closer and love each other so much more. I have a few friends that have been there and lifted me up. {C} and {J} I am forever grateful to you for your love and support. {C} thank you for sharing this Mormon Message The Will of God.  I'm grateful to a wonderful loving Bishop. He had us read this talk by Elder Richard G Scott Trust in the Lord it's amazing, you should read it right now. Since it's the season of gratitude, I'm working on finding joy in the journey.  "He measures the abundant life by the capacity to 'face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility'".  -Pres. Thomas S. Monson

Footsteps for Fertility 5k

In Sept a friend from work told me about a 5k race that was raffling off a free IVF cycle at the end of the race. I went home and told Nick about it and he was totally on board for doing it. I didn't know who would be willing to sign up for us and if we even had a chance. I sent out a message via facebook and emailed family. The response was overwhelming! We had so many wonderful family and friends sign up for us. Team Whiting was one of the biggest teams with almost 40 people signed up! On race day we were humbled by the love from everyone that showed up to support us. 

GO TEAM WHITING!

We didn't win the raffle. In fact our name was called next and we won free chic-fil-a (that's almost as good as a baby, right?) thank you THANK YOU to everyone that participated! Your donation for the race went to a good cause, raising awareness (the race made local and national news) and helping other couples that are struggling with infertility. For more on the wonderful organization: Pay it Forward Fertility